Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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