I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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