seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
