Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize