Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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