Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize