It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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