i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
