what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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