I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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