i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she peed on how many people?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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