I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
