just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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