Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
