I think I won the penis lottery.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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