i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
