I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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