so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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