please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
