My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
