hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
