I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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