Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
