this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
