if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
