apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
