please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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