he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
