He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
