She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Soap is not a condiment
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
