chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
