I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sober January is a disaster.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
