Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
