sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
