I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
