Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
