Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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