Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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