We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
