I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
