He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
