I like my sex mixed with concussions.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
