we have pet lesbian snakes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
