That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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