please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
