Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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