If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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