Me. At least after what I've been through.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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