I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
