and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
