Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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