Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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