I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
