hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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