I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
