im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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