Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
