Plan B is the new Plan A
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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