I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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