Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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