Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
