I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
