Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
