My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How does one acquire holy water?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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