You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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