How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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