I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
