Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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