did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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