Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Your cock deserves a montage
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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