You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He passed out mid-signature
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
