She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
