I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
