you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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