The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
