can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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