they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
