its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am midnight drunk by noon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
