I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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