So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize