Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
