i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
