OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
