You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize