hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
