im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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