i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We don't watch enough power rangers
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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