My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
