I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
