I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
