He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
