My Higher Power is John Stamos
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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