No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
