i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
my liver is dry heaving
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
