STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
