You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
