I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
