You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
