I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
