You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize