I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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