I just cut my nipple shaving
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
