I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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