he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
only if we run a train.
done.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
