I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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