Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
